I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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