like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Still dying that you shit outside
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
