New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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