Whod you bang
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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