I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
