you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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