we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
