so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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