We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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