fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
