this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
