apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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