Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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