He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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