A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
