No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
