I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
