We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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