Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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