Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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