We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize