Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
