My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
