I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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