He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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