Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
