ugly people sure do ruin things
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
