it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
