I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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