why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
