Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
