Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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