dude i'm inner monologue high
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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