NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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