I think I died a long time ago.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize