there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
