the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
