There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize