so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
