Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
