this beer tastes like vomit already
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
