My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
