are you so shy because you have an std?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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