"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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