Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
