i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
