Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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