I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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