If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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