Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't turn off my feet"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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