I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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