I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
