Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
