We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
