I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
