Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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