Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
