The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
