Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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