You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
