i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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