Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
