xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
