her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
