im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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