they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
