we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
