Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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