Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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