i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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