i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
