My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
