He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
