fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
