So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
