I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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