god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
