just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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