she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
